We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
