I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
