I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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