just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
