Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
