were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
