i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What a dumb baby whore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
