capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
