i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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