dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
