i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My ATM looks so different sober.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All the doctor said was why
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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