What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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