we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
