My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
