i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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