well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just want to make out with him forever
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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