the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
