You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
