Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
