I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
