I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
