he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
