i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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