Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm bleeding and have questions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
