i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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