And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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