I CAN MOONWALK!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
