Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I supernannyed him into submission
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
