My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
