I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
