Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
