The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
