I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
