I didn't shave. On purpose
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
