I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
