Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
