That's intense
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
