I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you're hired as official boob wrangler
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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