No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
