i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Randomize
