I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
