New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
