he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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