just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
