hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
