meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
