i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
