You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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