oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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