Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
