I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
