nut hugger
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
