No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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