Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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