Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
