I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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